Big decisions

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

"I promised you I wouldn't leave unless you wanted me to," Spike said, coming to stand in front of Wesley and touching his arm with the gentlest of caresses. He wanted to pull him into a tight hug until the pain evident in his every breath was gone, but he was too unsure of the situation to offer. "If you want me to stay, I will. I want to. All right, love?" He could be careful with everything he did so that he didn't ever cross that line again, but he couldn't knowingly break Wesley's heart.

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[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley wanted to grab onto what was being offered, but he made one last attempt to do the right thing, to point out the flaw in Spike's plan. "Even if... even if you'd be happier with someone who could give you everything?" he asked brokenly.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley forced himself to start moving again, going over to the bed and sitting down on the edge of it. "I'm sorry," he said, wishing he could think of something else to say, or something he could do to express how much he wished he could give Spike more.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Hurting each other," Wesley said, squeezing Spike's arm. "I just... reacted. It didn't even occur to me to think how you'd take it. I'm sorry. Genuinely." He could see now that, although he still believed that there were things Spike would want that he wouldn't be able to provide, he ought to have predicted Spike's reaction to what he'd said.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I've known since then -- well, I suppose I knew before that, but not on quite the same level -- that working with Angel was always a risk. It was one I chose to take, certainly, but... I knew that there was always the possibility that he could turn on us." Wesley looked into Spike's eyes, hoping that he was understanding. "I accepted it, but I never liked it. I trusted Angel, but I always knew that he might become Angelus again. But with you..." He stroked Spike's arm lightly. "With you, it's completely different. I can trust you."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"No, that's not the point I'm arguing," Wesley agreed. "I'm saying that at your very core, you're that person -- the person you were before you were turned. That person wasn't, isn't, a blood drinking, murderous monster. You aren't."