Could Spike have been right? Should they not have answered the door?

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

"You're important to me, and if I had wanted to rush off and see them I would've left the minute I was corporeal," Spike pointed out, though if he had had the offer before of an actual role and some independence instead of just being Buffy's lap dog he might have made a different decision.

Comments

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Supposing that was at least partially true, but knowing it wasn't the whole truth, Wesley said, "You should hate the thought that your options are being limited because of me."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Does it take work for you to make everything as difficult as possible or does it just come naturally?" Spike asked, rising from the couch. He paced for a few steps and then turned to face Wesley. "There's no question in my mind I'd choose you over working for them, even if I wanted to. Would I think about joining up if you were willing to go there with me? Yes, but you aren't." He pushed down the sting of rejection that came with that fact. "So I've made my choice. I would've thought you'd be happy with it."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I would've thought you'd be happy that I was willing to back off and tell you to go," Wesley said. Then, suddenly swept by a wave of misery that he was certain was clear on his face, he added, "I'd go if I could bear it. Ask me to go anywhere else and I will."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike would have far preferred Wesley wanting him so much that he couldn't consider letting him go at all, but he was more concerned about Wesley's obvious unhappiness than his own. "It's all right," he said, sitting next to him on the couch and reaching out to touch his shoulder. "We'll go somewhere else, do our own thing."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"And you'll resent me," Wesley said, trying to appreciate Spike's touch despite the turn their conversation had taken. "You'll end up wishing you were -- " with Buffy -- "in London."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I really doubt that, pet." Spike stroked his hand over Wesley's upper arm.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley didn't know what to say, so he caught Spike's hand beneath his own and squeezed it lightly.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I don't sit around looking back and second-guessing myself," Spike said. "If I'm with you, I'm with you."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"That's a rare and admirable trait," Wesley told him.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike shrugged. "I don't know about that, but it's how I am. It'd drive me mad to think about how things could've turned out differently if I'd made other choices."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I suspect it drives most people mad," Wesley said, thinking about it. "To some degree or another."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Squeezing Wesley's arm sympathetically, Spike said, "Probably, but I've got a lot more history than most. All that thinking would cut into my telly time." He grinned, trying to lighten the mood at least a little.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Been watching a lot of television in the past few days, have you?" Wesley asked, with a tiny smile.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I found something else I'd rather look at," Spike replied.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I provide just as much drama," Wesley said, almost apologetically.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"But you actually respond when I talk to you," Spike said with a smile. "And I've got some control over how things go."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"If you want to go to London, and you want me to come with you, I will." It wouldn't be impossible, Wesley told himself firmly. He could do it if he had to.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Thank you for the offer," Spike said, sliding his hand down Wesley's arm so that he could lace their fingers together, "but I know you'll be unhappy there. If I decide to go for a visit, I'll go alone."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

In which case Wesley would just have to wait and hope that Spike came back. "You could drug me heavily," he suggested, only partially joking.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to do," Spike said seriously.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Well I don't fancy the idea of you going without me either," Wesley said. "Which isn't a request for you to stay here -- I might just need some time to get used to the idea of going." He didn't suspect that time would make much difference, but it couldn't hurt to be hopeful.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure even that many Slayers can keep their stakes out of my heart for a little while," Spike said, but he was fairly certain that Wesley was worried about something else. Stroking his thumb over the back of Wesley's hand, he added more gently, "I'm not going to decide to stay."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley appreciated the reassurance more than he would have been able to say. "Then I'll just have to loosen the death grip I've got on you, won't I," he said lightly.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Hold on as tight as you want, pet," Spike said. He was surprised at how shaken he felt by the ease with which Wesley had seemed willing to let him go; he wouldn't have been able to do the same.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Reaching out with his free hand to touch Spike's face gently, Wesley said, "I don't want you to feel trapped."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I don't." Spike waged an internal war with himself for a moment before admitting, "But I want to feel wanted."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Startled, Wesley turned slightly, taking Spike by both upper arms and speaking very clearly. "You can't possibly think that I don't want you," he said. "God -- do you have any idea how desperately I want you to stay here? Want to order you to stay?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike looked down for a moment, self-conscious about his own insecurities, before meeting Wesley's eyes again. "I just needed to hear it." He smiled a bit. "Order me?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Is that a request that I do so? Or were you just looking for clarification?" Wesley gentled his hands on Spike's arms, turning the grip into a caress.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Just a clarification," Spike said, amused by the thought of Wesley trying to tell him what to do. "Besides, orders don't really work if you ask for them."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"If I thought it would work... if I thought it was something you wanted, I'd order you to stay," Wesley said, trying to sound serious but suspecting that it was clear he wasn't, not entirely.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You don't need to," Spike said, sliding one hand around the back of Wesley's neck and leaning in to kiss him.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley returned the kiss eagerly enough, and when it broke he suggested, "Or you could order me to come with you." He wasn't certain how serious he was.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I would never do that," Spike replied as he pulled back his hand after a final caress. "I want you doing things because you want to or not at all."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"You wouldn't enjoy telling me to do things and having your orders obeyed?" Wesley asked, hoping that he was making it clear he was flirting.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike grinned and curled his tongue behind his teeth. "In certain situations it does have an appeal."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"In certain situations I might be willing to obey," Wesley agreed. "Assuming you made it worth my while."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"If you were obeying properly, it would be about what I wanted, not you," Spike said. "But I'd always keep your desires in mind." The truth behind that statement included all areas of their relationship.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley felt a reluctant, not entirely wanted thrill go through him at the thought. "Would you like that?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Would I like to make you lie absolutely still while I drove you out of your mind with pleasure?" Spike asked, his eyes unfocusing slightly at the thought. "Could be a fun game to play."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

With a slight tremble in his voice, Wesley said, "Anything you want. You know that."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

A small, uncharitable part of Spike's mind laughed at how that statement had already been proven false, but he shut it away and focused on the topic at hand. "I want you, however you want to give yourself to me. I can't say I'd mind playing a bit now and then if you wanted to, but most of the time I want -" need "- to know if you're touching me it's because you want to be."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I always want to touch you," Wesley said, sliding his hand up over Spike's shoulder and back into the short blond hair, gently massaging the back of Spike's skull.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"And you want to give me orders, apparently," Spike said, looking at Wesley from beneath his partially lowered eyelids.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Continues here (http://www.livejournal.com/community/reality_bends/30164.html).