"Because it's a fantasy," Wesley repeated. "That's the whole point, isn't it?" He wasn't serious, of course, but he wouldn't try to deny how appealing the thought was.
Spike shrugged. "My fantasies end up up biting me on the ass." He could still see the disgust in Buffy's eyes over the 'bot. "But you could always ask Angel to bring you back into the mind-wiped fold. He'd probably even crack a smile to have you at his right hand again."
Wesley relaxed a bit, but inside he was still a mass of twisted tension. "I shouldn't do that," he said. "Indulge in that sort of thinking, I mean. There's no point to it."
"You had one life and now you've got another. Of course you're comparing them." Spike pushed his chair back slightly from the table and stretched out his legs. "D'you think I didn't wonder what I had done to myself in the few moments of sanity I had after I won my soul? If it'd had been an option to get rid of it, I might've... well, I still wouldn't've given it back, but I would've been tempted."
"I'm sure," Wesley said, looking at Spike with sympathy. "It must have been unbelievably horrible." He wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but it didn't seem the right time for that sort of thing.
"Wasn't the most fun I've had," Spike said dryly. "My point is you haven't had much time to deal with what's happened to you. Why wouldn't you think about how much easier things were before?"
"Because it doesn't help?" Wesley suggested. He sighed and ate another bite of now cold toast. "Right. I think we should concentrate on doing something productive. I can drop your coat at the cleaner's in a little while, and then once the sun sets we can take care of whatever else you need to do, assuming we haven't heard from Lilah before then. Assuming we hear from her at all."
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