Eating and talking

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

Wesley swallowed. "Yes, well... it would have to be, wouldn't it."

Comments

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"That bad, was it?" Wesley's tone of voice made Spike look up again.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Not the medical aspect of it," Wesley said, although in truth that had been bad enough on its own.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Not the hospital food, either, I bet," Spike said, tilting his head and ignoring his breakfast for the moment.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I suppose it would be rather telling to admit that I rather liked not having to think about food," Wesley said, with a wry grin. "Although I was on a liquid diet for the first few days."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Nothing wrong with a liquid diet." Spike smirked and took another bite of toast. "It's hard to imagine healing as slowly as humans do. I broke my arm falling from a carriage as a boy and got sick every bloody winter, but I never had to worry about anything more serious than that."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I thought I'd be glad to get out of there and back home, but..." Wesley sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Maybe Angel was doing me a favor as well."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"What do you mean?" Spike asked, not following Wesley's train of thought.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Taking... all of that away," Wesley said, gesturing vaguely with one hand. "Maybe it was better not to remember."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike set his fork on his plate and sat back in his chair. "You've got to be bloody joking. Yeah, it might've been better if things hadn't happened like they did, but why would you want to live a fantasy just because it's easier?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Because it's a fantasy," Wesley repeated. "That's the whole point, isn't it?" He wasn't serious, of course, but he wouldn't try to deny how appealing the thought was.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike shrugged. "My fantasies end up up biting me on the ass." He could still see the disgust in Buffy's eyes over the 'bot. "But you could always ask Angel to bring you back into the mind-wiped fold. He'd probably even crack a smile to have you at his right hand again."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Startled, Wesley could only stare at Spike. "I wasn't... I wasn't serious. You must know I wouldn't..."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Didn't think you would," Spike assured him. "You're unhappy, but you're not stupid."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley relaxed a bit, but inside he was still a mass of twisted tension. "I shouldn't do that," he said. "Indulge in that sort of thinking, I mean. There's no point to it."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You had one life and now you've got another. Of course you're comparing them." Spike pushed his chair back slightly from the table and stretched out his legs. "D'you think I didn't wonder what I had done to myself in the few moments of sanity I had after I won my soul? If it'd had been an option to get rid of it, I might've... well, I still wouldn't've given it back, but I would've been tempted."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure," Wesley said, looking at Spike with sympathy. "It must have been unbelievably horrible." He wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but it didn't seem the right time for that sort of thing.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Wasn't the most fun I've had," Spike said dryly. "My point is you haven't had much time to deal with what's happened to you. Why wouldn't you think about how much easier things were before?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Because it doesn't help?" Wesley suggested. He sighed and ate another bite of now cold toast. "Right. I think we should concentrate on doing something productive. I can drop your coat at the cleaner's in a little while, and then once the sun sets we can take care of whatever else you need to do, assuming we haven't heard from Lilah before then. Assuming we hear from her at all."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You want to take my coat somewhere to get it cleaned?" Spike stared at Wesley like he was crazy. "It's just a little blood."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley stared at Spike as if he was crazy. "Didn't you say you wanted it cleaned?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I meant I'd clean it," Spike said, shaking his head. "I've gotten worse stuff than blood off it over the past twenty-odd years."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"All right. Whichever you prefer. Although I assure you the cleaner's I use is quite good at getting out things like blood and ichor."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"They'd have to be, wouldn't they?" Spike was tempted by the offer but shook his head. "I'll need it tonight. It's part of the image, and that's about all I've got right now."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Feeling unjustifiably dismissed, Wesley nodded and poked at his food with his fork.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike noted and was baffled by Wesley's demeanor. "What did I say wrong this time?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"What? No, nothing." He couldn't make himself look up.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and trying to read Wesley's expression. "I'm more than just a pretty face, Wes; you'd have to try a lot harder than that to convince me. What's wrong? Is the thought of taking my coat to be cleaned that exciting?" He said the last with what he hoped was obvious humor.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley made himself glance up at Spike, but just as quickly returned his gaze to his plate. "You have me," he said quietly.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

That statement was so unexpected that it took Spike a moment to replay the last minute or two of their conversation before he could understand what Wesley meant by it. He reached across the table to touch Wesley's arm. "I do, and that means more than I can say." Spike grimaced internally at how soft he sounded.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley looked up at him then, mouth twisted into a crooked frown. "You hate this, don't you."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike blinked. "Hate what?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"The... emotional connection that I feel. And the fact that I keep trying to express it."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike sat back in shock and stared at Wesley. "What? When did I say...? Haven't you been listening?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"It's not what you have or haven't said," Wesley told him. "It's... I know that you must be hoping this little... infatuation, or whatever you think it is I have with you, will fade." He felt amazingly detached from the conversation.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm hoping...?" The thought was so absurd that Spike couldn't finish the sentence. "I know it'll fade, whether I want it to or not. Which - and I hope you're bloody paying attention - I don't."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Before Wesley could say anything -- before he could even decide if he thought Spike was telling the truth -- the phone rang. He looked from Spike to the other room where the phone was and then back again, not wanting to abandon the conversation but not wanting to miss a call that could, after all, be important.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike sighed and slumped in his chair. "Go on," he said, only slightly relieved for the reprieve from talking about his feelings.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley got up and went into the living room, picking up the phone. "Hello?"

"Wesley? It's Fred."

He rubbed his forehead. "Fred. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I was calling to see how you are. I mean, Angel said that you were going to take some more time off, but he didn't really say why, so I just... I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Lord, he really wasn't prepared to have this conversation. "Yes, I'm fine. I think I'm fighting something off, that's all. I thought some rest might help, and I also wasn't keen on the idea of spreading any potential germs through the office, so... I'll be back in a few days at most." Of course, for all he knew that wasn't true, but this wasn't the time to go into it.

"Angel said that Spike's back! I mean, that he's corporeal again. I can't believe you didn't tell me! So, did he just take off for England or wherever as soon as he was solid again?" Fred sounded almost wistful, and he wondered if she was upset by the thought of Spike having left without saying goodbye to her.

"No. Actually, he's here."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike stared at the remains of Wesley's breakfast as he listened to the conversation and hoped that Wesley was lying about his planned return to Wolfram and Hart.

"He's there?" Even from the other room, he could make out the surprise in Fred's voice. "What's he doing there? I guess he can't get sick and all, but isn't it kind of weird? It's not like you two are, you know, friends."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Actually..." Wesley cleared his throat. "Actually, we are. Friends."

"Since when?" Fred asked.

"Since we've been working together," Wesley said. "I helped him with his recorporealization, he helped me with... a project I was working on. We've been spending a lot of time together. He's... staying here."

"Staying there? You mean, like, sleeping over?" Her voice had that little-girl drawl that it slipped into sometimes, like a surprised thirteen year old.

"Yes." Wesley didn't want to tell Fred that Spike hadn't had anywhere else to go, for his own pride and Spike's, so he attempted to change the subject. "So, how are things at work?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike didn't pay much attention to Fred's cheerful chatter about her latest projects; he was still caught up in Wesley admitting to her that they were friends. It surprised him, though it probably shouldn't have, and it definitely pleased him.

He got to his feet and padded into the living room. From the way Wesley was staring off into space it looked like he wasn't following Fred's monologue that closely, either. When Wesley looked up, Spike gave him a small smile.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

When Spike smiled like that -- with just a hint of what might have been shyness in it -- it made Wesley want to kiss him. Instead, he waited until the next pause in Fred's monologue, then said, "I should probably get off the phone."

"Right. Right, you should be resting," Fred said. "But call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will."

When he'd hung up the phone, he gave Spike the same sort of smile in return. "You heard most of that, I assume?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Spike admitted. "Couldn't help it." He was itching to touch Wesley, and he strolled slowly toward him.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I wouldn't have had it in front of you if I felt strongly against you listening in," Wesley reassured him. "You're not upset? That I told her you're staying here?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continues here (http://www.livejournal.com/community/reality_bends/17077.html).