Emotions running high

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

"No," Wesley said, when what he really meant was yes, please, more. He was aware that he shouldn't do that -- say one thing when he meant another -- but he couldn't, simply couldn't ask for what he needed. He moved toward Spike just a tiny bit, wanting the comfort of his body but unable to ask for that either. Every muscle in his body was tense, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

Comments

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

As someone who was governed by his emotions and desires, it was nearly impossible for Spike to comprehend being in Wesley's position. Spike had to feel things. He had no choice. As far as he could tell, though, neither did Wesley. He was just fighting it. "You already feel things deeply. You know you do. If you could, would you rather have that - joy, passion, love, anger - or do you want to shut it all away?" he asked. "Not the answer you think you're supposed to give. What do you really want?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley tried to think. "I've always fallen short of the mark," he said. "You're saying that maybe that's because I'm just not meant to meet it." He felt inexplicably weary. "No, of course I don't want to shut it all away."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm saying it's a bloody stupid mark. Why would you want to meet it?" Hoping that they might actually be getting somewhere, Spike said more gently, "It'd be easier on you - on both of us - if you could let go of some of the guilt you feel about needing things, love. I want to give you everything, and I'd like it if you'd take it."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Wesley said, letting go of Spike's hand and stroking lightly over his arm instead. "I didn't... I should have realized this wasn't easy for you either."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Seeing you upset and feeling like I can't do a sodding thing about it isn't exactly a walk in the park," Spike said dryly. "I'm never sure if I should keep talking or stop altogether." He gave Wesley a faint grin. "Want to give me a hint?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I wish I knew," Wesley said, troubled but trying to return Spike's grin. "I suppose it depends on what you want from it. If you keep talking and saying wonderful things about me, chances are good I'm going to end up... being emotional. If you stop, I'll be both grateful and wanting more at the same time." God, this was difficult to talk about.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Stifling a sigh, Spike said, "That's not much of a help. What I want is for you to hear what I'm saying and believe it. I want you to know what I see in you, and I think you need to hear it. But if you'd really be happier if I stopped..." He trailed off, feeling as lost as ever when it came to Wesley's reactions.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I thought we were talking about what you wanted," Wesley said apologetically. "I don't..." He ducked his head, looking down at the floor. "I do like it when you say those things."