Big decisions

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

"I promised you I wouldn't leave unless you wanted me to," Spike said, coming to stand in front of Wesley and touching his arm with the gentlest of caresses. He wanted to pull him into a tight hug until the pain evident in his every breath was gone, but he was too unsure of the situation to offer. "If you want me to stay, I will. I want to. All right, love?" He could be careful with everything he did so that he didn't ever cross that line again, but he couldn't knowingly break Wesley's heart.

Comments

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley wanted to grab onto what was being offered, but he made one last attempt to do the right thing, to point out the flaw in Spike's plan. "Even if... even if you'd be happier with someone who could give you everything?" he asked brokenly.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm already with that person," Spike said, hoping that Wesley would finally understand.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

His chest tight and aching, Wesley glanced up into Spike's eyes, looking for some sign of... something. Deception, perhaps.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Feeling like he was balanced on the edge of an abyss, Spike waited tensely as Wesley searched his eyes. He could not possibly have retreated behind his usual shields of anger and lack of concern even if he had wanted to.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

When he didn't see anything but love and hurt and concern in Spike's eyes. "Stay. Please." He blinked rapidly, trying not to let any tears spill, then said, all in a rush, "Oh god, please don't go."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I won't go," Spike promised, a wave of relief washing over him and trailing the terrifying responsibility of being completely in control of himself in its wake. He squeezed Wesley's arm just a bit tighter, all he could do. "I won't, love."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Wesley said, unsure exactly what he was apologizing for, even as his tenuous control slipped another notch and he began to tremble.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You've done nothing to be sorry for." Spike knew that he, on the other hand, had made more mistakes than he could count, nevertheless name. He took a small step back, wanting desperately for Wesley to touch him but not wanting to push. "I think we'd both be happier off our feet, don't you? Come sit." He glanced at the bed, the site of his most recent misjudgment, and said, "Or would you rather the couch?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"This is closer," Wesley said, still deeply shaken. He took a tentative step in that direction, then he stopped, finally having absorbed Spike's words. "Unless you don't want to?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike shook his head, the movement a bit jerky with tension. "It's fine," he said and waited to follow Wesley's lead.