Back at the flat, pretending - or not - that everything's fine.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

"Sounds good." Spike slumped onto one corner of the couch and kicked off his boots.

Comments

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"What's the worst part?" Wesley asked, after a moment's silence.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike stared at the bottle, not opening it yet. "Not being able to do a bloody thing about it."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley wasn't sure what he thought the worst part was -- there were so many -- but the sheer helplessness of the situation was definitely high on the list. He sighed again. "It doesn't seem possible that those memories are just... gone. For good."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"He could be lying." Spike rolled the bottle in his hands and then opened it. "If you want some, you should come over," he said, gesturing with the bottle before taking a swig. The alcohol burned going down, a welcome fire to soothe some of his frustration.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Do you think he is?" Wesley asked, getting up and moving over to the couch to sit beside Spike.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," Spike said, taking another long swallow before offering the bottle to Wesley. He needed to numb his anger quickly before he expressed it in the wrong way. "Do you?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley took the bottle gratefully. "No," he said. "No, I don't think he was lying." He took a too large swallow too quickly and choked a bit as it went down the wrong way.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike reached over to rub Wesley's back as he coughed. "Take it easy. Don't want to waste any," he said, giving him a faint smile. Even just that brief touch was difficult for him to end, since the contact was a physical reassurance that not everything in the world was completely bollixed up, and his hand lingered longer than was strictly necessary.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Spike's hand on his back was comforting, and Wesley smiled back at him. "No, I think we're going to need it all," he agreed.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." Spike sighed, idly tracing the shoulder seam of Wesley's jacket with his thumb. "If he's not lying, do you think there's another way to get those memories back?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Honestly? No." Wesley handed the bottle back to Spike and leaned forward so that he could shrug out of his jacket, tossing it over onto the chair he'd just vacated. "At least, everything I've seen so far leads me to believe that they're gone. But still... I suppose there's a small chance there might be a way."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Staring across the room, Spike took a drink, then another. "You should've let me hit him," he said in a low voice that was unable to disguise his simmering anger.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Unsure how Spike would take being touched, Wesley rubbed his hand over his own face instead. "Maybe you're right," he said quietly.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Or maybe I should've let you shoot him the other day," Spike said. "You've got more right to be angry than I do."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I think I'm past the point of being able to feel angry," Wesley said. "I'm just... tired."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"This'll help you sleep," Spike said, holding out the bottle and smiling to acknowledge that that wasn't what Wesley had meant.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I hope so." Wesley took the bottle and drank from it more cautiously this time, then handed it back.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike regarded Wesley a bit sadly, taking another swig of whiskey before setting the bottle on the floor between them. "You shouldn't have to be dealing with this. None of you should."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Neither should you," Wesley pointed out, resting his hand on Spike's thigh.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm just watching it. It didn't happen to me." Spike curled his hand around Wesley's, keeping it where it was and keeping himself from vibrating with too much emotion. A bitter laugh escaped him before he could stop it. "I didn't think I could think even less of him, but I do."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I understand why he did it," Wesley said, knowing that Spike wouldn't like to hear that, but feeling that it needed to be said. "That doesn't mean I agree with it, but... I understand."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Too restless to sit in the face of that statement, Spike let go of Wesley's hand and rose to his feet, pacing in front of the couch. "That's just bloody great. How do you think your friends would feel?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"The same way I do," Wesley said, his own voice rising slightly. "Betrayed, hurt..."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Then how can you sit there and explain away what he did?" Spike asked, stopping and staring at Wesley. "Is he that bloody important to you that you'll forgive him even for this?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I'm not 'explaining it away,'" Wesley said indignantly. "I'm saying that I understand why he felt it needed to be done. That doesn't mean that I agree with his decision."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You agreed when the three of us were so cozy at Wolfram and Hart the boy was worth what Angel did to you," Spike said. "You're accepting it."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"It's already done. What choice do I have but to accept it?" Wesley picked up the bottle and drank from it, then he rested it on his knee, looking at the liquid inside rather than at Spike.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You could think you didn't deserve it," Spike said pointedly.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley stood up and held the bottle out to Spike. "And what good would that do?" he asked. "Assuming it were that simple, and I could believe that there aren't consequences to one's actions, what good would it do?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike took the bottle but didn't drink from it. "There already were consequences. Remember your throat being cut? Didn't you say he tried to kill you?" He began to pace again, his frustration rising. "So you made some bloody bad decisions; that doesn't mean he's got the right to do what he did, to you or any of them. You should be angry, not just taking it. Or are you going to let him do whatever he wants for the rest of your life because you made one sodding mistake?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"No," Wesley said sharply, wishing he'd kept the liquor for himself if Spike wasn't going to drink it. "No, I'm going to walk away, that's what I'm going to do. Unless you're suggesting that I spend the rest of my life following him around and trying to stop him doing whatever it is he's going to do tomorrow, or next month, or next year?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, that sounds like something I would suggest," Spike drawled. "But if he comes looking for another pound of flesh, are you going to let him take it?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I didn't 'let him' take it the last time," Wesley said.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"It sounded to me like you sodding well would have." Spike raised the bottle halfway to his lips and then dropped his arm back to his side without taking a drink.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I never said that." Wesley's voice was rough.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You said you owed Connor what Angel took from you, but the others didn't," Spike said, trying not to sound accusatory. "What is that supposed to mean, then?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Well, I certainly owe Connor more than any of the others do, considering what happened," Wesley said, moving across the room to put some more space between himself and Spike.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike was quiet for a minute as he attempted to keep his anger under control before asking the question that was at the fore-front of his mind. "Would you have agreed to give up your memories if he had asked?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley tried to consider the question fairly. "No," he said. "Because I don't see the point. I don't think Connor is any less safe now that I remember him, and I don't think he would have been if we'd got the others their memories back either."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"But if there had been a point?" Spike asked, not entirely relieved.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Knowing what Spike wanted to hear, Wesley still chose to be honest. "I don't know."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike sighed and took another drink, not quite looking at Wesley. "Want some more?" he asked, holding out the bottle.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"No," Wesley said, mostly just to be contrary. "Not right now."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike contemplated the bottle for a moment before raising it back to his lips. The whiskey was burning less as it went down, which he hoped meant that he'd start feeling at least slightly numb around the edges in the near future. "Well, this has been one hell of a night," he said, rubbing his free hand over his face.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Continues here (http://www.livejournal.com/community/reality_bends/48392.html).