Back to the belly of the beast, although they hope to find no beasts, with or without bellies.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

Spike would actually have been delighted to see Angel again, since he had some more opinions he felt like expressing, preferably with a satisfying crunch of bone beneath his fists, but given Wesley's strong feelings about how such an encounter could unfold it was probably for the best if they avoided him. "We'll be quick. There's nothing else you want while we're there? Anything from your office? A rare book or two from storage?"

Comments

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

That thought was tempting, even if Wesley wasn't sure it was a good idea. "Let's see how long it takes to find what we really need," he said. "I can certainly live without the few personal things that are in my office."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

That made Spike stop thinking about what he'd like to do to Angel and instead focus back on Wesley. "I'm sorry you've got to leave so much behind," he said. "Not just the knick-knacks."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

It was quite a long moment before Wesley could get himself to answer honestly rather than shrug his feelings off. "So am I," he said.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

The sadness in Wesley's voice just made Spike want to hit Angel even more. "Things might look different when you've got your friends back," he said quietly, determined that he wouldn't be the reason Wesley had to leave. "You might want... You'll have other options."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"No," Wesley said, "I won't." For some reason Spike couldn't believe that once Gunn and Fred had their memories back it wouldn't be all sunshine and light.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You're determined to think the worst, aren't you?" Spike said with some frustration. "Yeah, they're going to be angry. At Angel."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"And with me," Wesley said. "They're going to remember, all at once, every little thing I did and said the first time. Everything that made it easy never to see me again. Everything they were angry about."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I thought..." Confused, Spike tried to sort through what he knew. "Weren't you working with them before your memories got changed?"

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but that's not the point. The point is that right now they don't remember anything about Connor, and once their memories are back, they will. They'll remember everything that happened." Wesley had no idea what would happen with Cordelia, if she ever woke up, and he believed that Lorne would be able to forgive him, but Gunn and Fred... they were another issue entirely.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"No, I think it is the point," Spike said. "If they got past it once, they'll get past it again. Sounds like you're the only one who won't forgive yourself."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Yes, well maybe I don't feel a need to go through the process again," Wesley said rather harshly. "Maybe once was more than enough."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Seems a bit short-sighted to me," Spike said, not letting his temper take over but also not backing down. "But I finally understand why you don't want to give them back their memories. As far as you're concerned, it'll all be over."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"You're the one who keeps preaching about putting things behind me, not dwelling on them," Wesley said. "You don't think there's a reason why I might want to do that in this case? And I'm going to do it, I've told you that. Do you need me to sign a contract before you'll believe me?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike was silent for the span of a couple of Wesley's breaths before he could make himself not snap back. "I've never said to put your friends behind you," he said, appalled and hurt by the suggestion. "I'm trying -" There was another brief pause while Spike struggled to keep his voice from rising. "I'm trying to make sure you're not writing them off when you'll regret it later."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Trying to be fair, Wesley said, "No, you never said to put them behind me, and I'm not writing them off. I'm just... I'm not going to dwell. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You're 'supposed' to do whatever makes you happy. If that's not dwelling, I'm all for it." Spike just wasn't sure that that was what Wesley was doing.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley was quiet for a long moment. "I don't know why you won't believe that I know what their reactions are going to be."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Because if they'd turn their backs on you now their memory loss has changed them a lot more than yours did." It was an unsettling thought that they weren't actually the people with whom Spike had talked, joked, and even once in a while shared confidences. "But maybe you're right. I didn't know them before."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley sighed. "No, you're probably right. I'm probably being unfair." It seemed easier to agree with Spike and end the argument than to continue to disagree.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike fiddled with the piping on the edge of the upholstery on his seat, feeling restless. "Guess we'll find out one way or the other."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I guess we will." They drove in silence for a minute or so. "Do you want to put the radio on?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Refusing to let himself flinch at such a blatant rejection, Spike said flatly, "Whatever you want."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I thought maybe you could find something you liked and tell me why." Wesley tried to smile in Spike's direction. "You're going to teach me, aren't you?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"If you want." Spike recognized that Wesley was making an effort, though, so he forced himself to continue with more warmth in his voice. "It'd be easier with my CDs than with the radio. That way I could ease you into things."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"We wouldn't want to start too abruptly," Wesley agreed. "One never knows what might trigger another apocalypse."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I don't think you're going to hate the Clash that much," Spike said, nearly matching Wesley's conversational but strained tone.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I highly doubt I'm going to hate any of it." Wesley slowed down a bit as they approached a turn he needed to make. "Be puzzled by, maybe."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike glanced over at Wesley for the first time in a few minutes. "Why would you be puzzled? It's music; it's not hard to understand."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"By how it's different," Wesley explained, suspecting that no matter what he'd do a bad job of making Spike understand. "From other kinds that you like, for example."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Maybe we should start with music you like," Spike said. "It'd give us someplace to begin where you already know what you're hearing."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"But I thought the point was for me to hear new things," Wesley said.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I was hoping it could be more of a conversation, with both of us sharing what we like and why." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Spike realized how foolish they sounded, but it was too late to recall them. "Doesn't matter. We'll do it your way. Throw you in the deep end and wait for the apocalypse."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"What if I'm unable to swim?" Wesley asked, a bit more seriously than he'd intended.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Then we'll stop, and I'll give you mouth-to-mouth if you need it," Spike said with a hint of a grin, though his heart wasn't really in it. "It's not the end of the world if it's all noise to you. Well, unless you're right about the apocalypse."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley suspected that part of the problem was that he was worried that Spike would be disappointed if it was nothing but noise to him. "I might be tempted to pretend I needed mouth to mouth," he said, smiling a bit.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike's smile was faint but genuine. "I wouldn't mind at all. I'll take any excuse to kiss you."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"You don't need an excuse," Wesley said. "You can kiss me any time you like. Well, when I'm not driving."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Or when you're caught up in something or someone else, Spike thought rather petulantly. "I'll keep that in mind, though you might live to regret that invitation."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"If I did, it would be a regret of an extremely temporary nature," Wesley said.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"You do realize that's not actually encouraging," Spike commented. "Rejection is rejection, no matter how temporary."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure that rejection and regret are the same thing," Wesley said. "But if you'd see it as rejection, then that's important for me to know. Because I wouldn't be intending it that way, and the last thing I want is to hurt you."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Realizing that he had gotten himself into entirely unwelcome territory, Spike quickly said, "Don't worry about hurting my feelings, pet. I'd be more upset if you were just humoring me."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley glanced over at Spike, sure that his astonishment was written all over his face. "Don't worry about hurting your feelings?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"I'm not going to fall apart because you're honest," Spike said with a frown of distaste at the thought.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Continues here (http://www.livejournal.com/community/reality_bends/46556.html).