ext_2786 ([identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] reality_bends2004-06-16 11:09 pm
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Fast car

Continued from here.

"I'm not worried about wanting to hear it," Wesley said. "If I didn't want to, I wouldn't ask. I'm more worried about it upsetting you. Talking about it, that is."
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[identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 10:12 am (UTC)(link)
"I know," Wesley said. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant... envious of the ability."

[identity profile] flaming-muse.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 10:23 am (UTC)(link)
"I'm sure you could learn to do it if you set your mind to it. It gets easier with practice," Spike said, but he doubted that Wesley thought that it was worth going to the trouble to make himself happy. "But this is probably one of those topics we're not going to agree on, like the point of guilt."

[identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 10:43 am (UTC)(link)
Perhaps there wasn't enough for them to agree on. "It's not that simple," Wesley said, finding that he couldn't just drop it. "It's not just a matter of... mind over matter."

[identity profile] flaming-muse.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 10:50 am (UTC)(link)
"Why not?" Spike asked, very interested in how Wesley would answer the question. "I know it's not as easy as just saying the words, but if it doesn't make you happy why not do something about it?"

[identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 11:03 am (UTC)(link)
"Because I can't see how it would be anything but denial," Wesley said. "It wouldn't actually be not caring. It would just be telling yourself that you didn't care." He frowned. "And by 'you' I mean me."

[identity profile] flaming-muse.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 11:21 am (UTC)(link)
"And you're not going to let any of it go." Spike looked back out at the road ahead of them. He knew how miserable it was to hold onto every painful memory so tightly, and it galled him that he couldn't do anything to help Wesley see things differently.

[identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 02:44 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't know how." Wesley sighed. "But it's okay. I'm fine. And it's not as if the memories that are furthest away don't... fade, with time."

[identity profile] flaming-muse.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 02:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Fine wasn't good enough for Spike; he wanted Wesley to be happy, to be as free from cares and self-recrimination as was possible while still being, well, Wesley. "Is this part of your guilt thing? Constantly remembering so you won't do it again or some rot like that?" Realizing how his questions might be taken, he added, "I'm not being critical." He grinned a bit sheepishly. "Not much, anyway. I'm just trying to understand."

[identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com 2004-06-17 03:05 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm not doing it on purpose," Wesley said softly, not turning his head to look at Spike. "It's not as if I want this."
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