Talking and cuddling in bed.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Continued from here.

"It's not..." How I see myself. Spike shook his head, feeling foolish. He was a vampire, not a man. "There's no good reason."

Comments

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with," Wesley told him, since it was true enough.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike shook his head, still feeling pulled in different directions by Wesley's desires and his own expectations of their relationship. "It's not a question of comfort. I can do it, and I'm sure we'd both get off on it. But I didn't think the demon was what was attractive to you."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Concerned, Wesley turned his hand and caught Spike's fingers with his own. "You're what's attractive to me," he said emphatically. "It wouldn't matter if you were a vampire or not -- but the fact of the matter is, you are. And the last thing I want you thinking is that I reject something that's part of you."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"Thank you," Spike said softly, raising their entwined hands to his lips and brushing a kiss across Wesley's knuckles. He knew that the situation wasn't as simple as that, but Wesley's words were still comforting. "But most of my urges as a vampire aren't -" Good. Trustworthy. "- what you'd want. Seems better to ignore them and follow my heart instead." Not that my heart's got a great history of giving people what they want, either, he thought with growing unhappiness.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

"I don't think that's emotionally healthy," Wesley said, even more concerned. "I'm not suggesting that you abandon what your heart tells you to do, but... there must be some way to reconcile the two. Vampiric instincts are extremely strong -- it doesn't seem possible you'd be able to ignore them for the long term."

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Spike felt immediately defensive but bit back a reply about how Wesley of all people should understand what it was like to question one's instincts. "Fine. I'm not ignoring them. I'm making choices."

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Wesley looked at Spike for a long moment, suspecting that he'd said the wrong thing and not knowing how to apologize for it. "All right," he said finally, because in the end it would always come back to this. "We'll do this however you need to. It's only an issue if we let it be, and if you're determined to walk the fine line that you see as the only reasonable choice, then I'm willing to support that." And to pick up the pieces if and when things fell apart.

If he could.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

"What do you want me to do, Wesley?" Spike asked, struggling not to be hurt too deeply by Wesley's disapproval. He released Wesley's hand and pushed his fingers through his own hair. "I'm not a man, I'll never be a man, but I don't have to act like the demon I am. That's why I got the soul, so I could be different than I was. So I had something besides instincts."