It was good, in some ways, that Wesley was asleep, because then Spike didn't have to be strong and positive, which he obviously wasn't doing that good of a job of being, anyway. Without Wesley to look after, he could pull back in and allow himself to be tired and heart-sore, if still acutely alert to any change in Wesley's rhythms.
In some ways it was hard for Spike to be quiet and still, reflective but not brooding; he would have been happier going out and starting a fight, yelling and punching and kicking out all of his emotion, but he couldn't possibly leave Wesley alone. So he sat and felt helpless and useless, too drained even to be frustrated.
Some time later the nurse stopped in as he was about to go out and look for magazines that didn't involve toile and crepe paper. She checked the infernal machines attached to Wesley and offered to sit with Wesley if Spike wanted to go out for a while. He declined, but he did ask for more reading material and, mindful of his promise, something he might be able to sleep on, as well as socks to keep Wesley's feet warm. She said she'd get on it right away.
She came back with the magazines first, this time a selection of gossip, fashion, home life, and architecture publications, which were far more interesting than Martha Stewart, even if Spike would have liked laughing over the models and celebrities with Wesley instead of browsing through the glossy pictures alone.
Wesley stirred once or twice but made no signs of waking up, so Spike read, waited, and tried not to worry about him as the hour grew later and the quiet ward grew even quieter.
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In some ways it was hard for Spike to be quiet and still, reflective but not brooding; he would have been happier going out and starting a fight, yelling and punching and kicking out all of his emotion, but he couldn't possibly leave Wesley alone. So he sat and felt helpless and useless, too drained even to be frustrated.
Some time later the nurse stopped in as he was about to go out and look for magazines that didn't involve toile and crepe paper. She checked the infernal machines attached to Wesley and offered to sit with Wesley if Spike wanted to go out for a while. He declined, but he did ask for more reading material and, mindful of his promise, something he might be able to sleep on, as well as socks to keep Wesley's feet warm. She said she'd get on it right away.
She came back with the magazines first, this time a selection of gossip, fashion, home life, and architecture publications, which were far more interesting than Martha Stewart, even if Spike would have liked laughing over the models and celebrities with Wesley instead of browsing through the glossy pictures alone.
Wesley stirred once or twice but made no signs of waking up, so Spike read, waited, and tried not to worry about him as the hour grew later and the quiet ward grew even quieter.