Wesley kissed Spike with less control than he'd been managing until that moment, then moved to retrieve the lube. He was so emotionally on-edge that he fumbled with the cap on the bottle for what seemed like ages before he got it open. His fingers were trembling as he pressed one of them slickly into Spike as gently as possible -- the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Spike, but he was starting to fall apart and he was afraid it was completely obvious. "I love you," he said.